Wonderful Fruit
by Die Cassandra Claire and Emo
Summary: A Challenge... Insanity fills Hogwarts Castle on the first day back. Set in 5th year. Beans, Brownies and Giggles. Read on. Flames are welcome. Written by Die Emo.


Students filed into the Great Hall after their return on the Hogwarts Express. Harry Potter appeared a bit sour, followed by Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, who had equal sullen looks on their faces. Draco Malfoy, Harry's nemesis, thought it would be funny if he pulled a little prank. First, he gave Harry the biggest wedgie he ever received in his life. It was impressive, for Dudley, his cousin, was quite keen on this form of torture.

Draco's fun didn't stop there. After the wedgie, he continued on by making Harry's pants sag, and Crabbe and Goyle stuck their feet out to trip him. Harry went flying down the aisle amidst gasps and laughter. That wasn't the end of either. His butt protruded his boxers…that left him very red-faced with embarrassment.

Draco glared over at the Gryffindor table, chuckling silently to himself. Little did anyone know that the main cause of his amusement was seeing Harry's ass. He thought it was quite hot…he had heard rumours from girls in the hallway, and he wanted a good look for himself.

Over at the Gryffindor table, Harry glared back at Slytherin, his bright green eyes locked onto Draco's cold grey ones. Hermione nudged him. "Don't give into it!" she said. "You know… I heard a rumour the other day that Draco's actually gay."

Harry's eyes widened. "Of course he's gay," he said. "You saw him fluttering around with glee. He's as merry as he's ever been considering he made a fool of me on the Express."

Hermione and Ron looked at each other. Apparently Harry didn't understand what form of the word "gay" Hermione meant.

Hermione's rumour was correct. Draco had been struggling with his feelings for Harry for a while… he just didn't know how he would express himself without coming off of a pompous ass. He couldn't help it though… it was just in his nature.

Everyone's thoughts were silenced. Dumbledore stood up and clanked a fork to his glass.

The sorting took place, and then Dumbledore continued on with a few announcements.

"We have a new Hogwarts tune to add to this year's regimen. Sing along with me if you know the song!" Dumbledore said cheerfully. He proceeded to sing, "Beans, beans, it's a wonderful fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot!"

A mighty wind came from his gluteus maximus. He lifted off the ground like a levitating monk, and proceeded to fly across the Great Hall from the great force of the Exploding Bean. This hot air balloon of a man landed on the other side of the room, lucky enough to have fallen on a landing pad that Professor McGongall conjured before he fell. He rose to his feet to find many shocked faces staring in his direction.

"Please, excuse the Headmaster, he's had one too many butterbeers… there was a great celebration in Hogsmeade due to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's disappearance," McGongall said quickly, shoving Dumbledore out of the Great Hall. Madam Pomfrey could be seen in the shadows of the hallway with a scorn look on her face, ready to escort Dumbledore off to the hospital wing.

Many students looked scared. The feast continued on.

Students with stomachs full and heads empty of the oddities that occurred in the Great Hall made their way to their dormitories. Oddly, no one noticed that the twins, George and Fred Weasley, did not make it to the feast that night. They were up in the Gryffindor dormitory (they heard their brother, Percy, mentioning the password to the common room earlier) with their latest invention. All they needed was someone to try it on.

Over by the fireplace sat two brownies on plates. Ron and Hermione flopped into the comfy armchairs in front of the ottoman with the brownies. "Hey look!" Ron said in a warm stupor, happy that his stomach was full. Yet, it wasn't full enough. He and Hermione couldn't resist the temptation to dig in to the chocolatey goodness that was before their eyes.

These were no ordinary brownies. They laughed, and laughed, and laughed. George and Fred watched from the stairwell. Laughing as they went to their dormitory Fred said, "I thought I told them to say no to drugs!"

* * *

I have met the requirements of this challenge:

Draco is struggling with his feelings for Harry

Harry doesn't know that "gay" isn't just an emotion

Ron and Hermione find some special brownies

Dumbledore must eat beans


End file.
